It was shortly after my breakup, and I was having trouble sleeping. A new cannabis lounge and dispensary had just launched in the neighborhood. To get out of the house and change my habits, I began going in the late afternoons, hanging out, reading, working, and smoking.

During these afternoons, I fell in love with that voice coming from the adjacent open-air dispensary. Deep, confident, consistent, well-versed, and gravelly.

“You’ll want to go with a high THC, low CBD, and CBN...” “...these gummies are delicious, vegan, fast-acting, and will get you in the mood.”

The mood?!

I missed being in the mood. And I was a bit lonely. One day I nervously approached him. “I am looking for something that will...uh...put me in the...mood, ya know?”

He locked his eyes with mine: “Well, certain terpenes might enhance cannabis’s aphrodisiac qualities,” he said. “Terpenes like limonene, known for its citrusy punch, are fantastic for boosting your mood and, uh, energizing your senses—perfect for getting you in the right mindset for a playful night.”

Playful night?!

“Yes, but not all terpenes are suited for sexy times,” he continued. “Take linalool, with its calming floral aroma, and myrcene, with earthy notes—great for relaxation but might lower your energy levels too much.”

Shortly, I found myself going to the lounge three days a week. I was on a mission to date my budtender. But he seemed to treat me just like... all his other customers.

I formulated a plan: I would spend my nights researching cannabis strains, their effects, history, and all the new products being released. I would wow him with my knowledge, passion, POV, and tantalizing questions.

Dating someone with a unique profession, like a budtender, can bring a whole new set of experiences and challenges. After a few more visits and some flirty exchanges (“I like your knowledge of terpenes”), he invited me to a private party on a rooftop in DTLA, where there was a screening of Reefer Madness. We drank champagne and smoked Pink Panties pre-rolls. He informed me that...

“Pink Panties is an indica-dominant hybrid strain—70% indica/30% sativa—created through a cross of the infamous Burmese Kush X Florida Kush. Perfect for anyone who wants a super arousing high with a delicious, sweet, fruity strawberry flavor and high notes of earthy berries and sour chemicals, all wrapped up with a sugary sweet overtone that can be slightly pungent at times. Pink Panties buds have gorgeous dense and super thick grape-shaped, forest green nugs with vivid pink undertones, matching hairs, and a coating of clear crystal trichomes that look almost pink in the right light.” We nibbled on buttery popcorn and kissed under a voluptuous full moon.

IT WAS A GOOD NIGHT

Our next date went like this: we met at his condo and shared a tart Lemon Sour Diesel Lake Grade pre-roll. “Grade is part of Napa Valley’s Fumé family,” he explained. “They source their weed from Lake County, premium quality cannabis obtained from sun-covered trees using sustainable, organic techniques to maintain the yield and quality of strains,” he continued.

Um...wow. Had. No. Clue.

He pulled out another pack from a drawer and quipped, “These are for later. Whitezilla is an indica strain for a calming, relaxed high and Budzilla is Grade’s hybrid strain featuring 21.8% THC levels, dense green buds, a sweet earthy aroma, and curvy trichomes.”

That first month was very exciting—and stony. We had seshes at exclusive parties and hung out with the who’s who of the cannabis glitterati. We went to afterparties at The Astor Club in Hollywood, a members-only “smoke easy” where athletes, celebrities, and cannabis luminaries hang out ‘til dawn smoking only the top shelf.

We were welcomed regulars at the Hollywood Cemetery movie nights. We attended exclusive sound baths deep in the Santa Monica Mountains. And we got invited to a ribbon-cutting opening of a dispensary designed like an aquarium, hundreds of rainbow-colored exotic fish included.

It went on like this for a while, but around the 9th week things began to get... weird... complicated. He’d become obsessed with the rarest of rare marijuana strains, Black African Magic, which many claim is extinct. He and some other budtenders were on a quest to find these mythic seeds.

FORTUNE. GLORY. SEEDS.

One night after taking 30mg of Lost Farm Raspberry starbursts (“the attractive, powder-blue raspberry gummy has a satisfyingly tart taste that isn’t overly sweet and is blended with a live resin flavor that appropriately evokes the plant”) we took to the Jacuzzi. He said:

“Babe, you have to understand. This is like an Indiana Jones type thing. Black African Magic is a sativa weed strain made from a genetic cross between unknown African land- race strains. This strain is a creation of The Seed Connect, a brand known for producing rare and potent strains. Black African Magic is 29% THC, making this strain an ideal choice for experienced cannabis consumers who can handle a psychedelic high with energy, euphoria, and creativity. Black African Magic features flavors that are earthy, woody, and spicy. The dominant terpene of this strain is unknown, but it may have some limonene or caryophyllene content. I’ve gotta get us some of these dense and dark green buds that are covered with orange hairs and snowy trichomes. I will make my mark in this industry by being the guy who brings it to the masses...and saves the planet.”

SAVES THE PLANET?

That was the last thing I remember before passing out. I was beginning to get bored—and way too high. I love cannabis but it’s not my only interest. However, his whole life is cannabis, 24/7. In fact, he began planning a trip for us to war-torn Sudan because he got a tip that a group of Bedouins were hoarding the last few Black African Magic seeds in a cave in the North.

Wait, I am now going to Sudan to ride a camel for a week through the desert in the middle of a civil war to find some cannabis seeds?

The last straw was our failed adventure to see U2 at Las Vegas’s 2.5 billion dollar out-of-this-world concert arena, The Sphere. He sent me an email: “Babe, I tracked an eighth of Black African Magic. Pack your bags. We are going to Vegas!”

We stayed at The Lexi, a 64-room, casino-free boutique hotel just west of the Strip on Sahara Avenue that proudly markets itself as the first cannabis-friendly resort in Las Vegas. We checked into room 420 (the units on the fourth floor are cannabis-friendly with commercial-grade RestorAir filtration systems) and he pulled out a vintage glass apothecary jar, and said, “Smell this...”

The thick aroma was like coconut-tinged daiquiri vanilla ice cream, cinnamon, peanut butter, and unleaded gas. The smell alone got me... going. He rolled a joint and we smoked it. Fast. I don’t remember walking to the Sphere. But what I do remember is sitting there watching a herd of Wooly Mammoths stampeding right into my 30-dollar margarita and popcorn, as I hysterically threw kernels at the majestic, tusked holograms. I felt like I was blasting off into outer space. I was having one-on-ones with small, albino-like ETs. They whispered to me: “You aren’t smoking Black African Magic...you are smoking Alien Mints. You will begin feeling weightless, ready to rocket out of your body.”

OMG

While I don’t think I met any actual aliens that night, I knew that the romance with my budtender wasn’t going to last. I decided this as I gazed up at the arena that had morphed into a giant, red-veined eyeball bewilderingly gazing off into the cosmos. I was too high. He wasn’t.

But I learned this: cannabis is one complicated and romantic plant—and the budtenders who serve on the front lines tend to be a knotty, obsessive, and serious-minded bunch. Dating a budtender isn’t for everyone but it’s worth a try. The perks are good. The people are interesting. And the knowledge is vast.

And, if they are really good, they will remember your fav strain.

Learn the lingo, and flirt, flirt, flirt. Budtenders love cannabis and if you show your knowledge they become intrigued.

Go to the dispensary at 3pm on a weekday so you can lay the groundwork without a rush of customers cramping your style.

Use body language. Nod slightly whenever you think they make a great point, just to show them that you’re listening and agreeing.

Make eye contact. A little eye contact goes a long way, even subconsciously—but make sure you are smiling.

You will be wowed by their knowledge. Listen and learn. Ask questions. And get turned on to new products.

Most budtenders are creative and have an artistic personality, which can bring excitement to your relationship.

Dating a budtender can greatly enhance the cannabis connoisseur in you and help you maintain your insider knowledge.

Perks, perks, perks! Attend cannabis events and get thousands of dollars in free products! And 25% off at your sweetheart’s dispo!

Low pay and long hours.

Conflicts may also arise when their attention is divided between you and their work. Communicate and find a balance that works for both of you.

Sometimes you can feel like they are talking down to you like one of their lesser-educated customers.

Dating a budtender who interacts with clients regularly can trigger feelings of jealousy or insecurity.

Finding a new dispensary—and budtender—who gets you after you break up.

Bioavailability

Bioavailability refers to how much of a substance is absorbed into the body of a living system and is thus able to have an active effect. The availability of a substance you put in your body is closely tied to the method of consumption. A substance generally delivers 100% of its power when administered intravenously but is generally lower when taken in any other way.

Cannabichromene (CBC)

CBC is a non-psychotropic cannabinoid. Though it does bind with CB1 receptors in the brain, it only interacts with them weakly. Cannabichromene’s effects come from its ability to bind to TRPV1 and TRPA1 receptors, which impact the way we perceive pain.

Cannabidiol (CBD)

CBD is a cannabinoid that is present in large quantities in most cannabis strains. Dozens of clinical studies have found CBD effective in treating a vast number of ailments like epilepsy, PTSD, HIV/AIDS, cancer, MS, Crohn’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, ALS, Alzheimer’s, and arthritis. CBD does not have an intoxicating effect.

Cannabigerol (CBG)

CBG is one of at least 140 cannabinoids found in canna- bis along with CBD and THC. Although present in small amounts, it has been stated that every cannabis strain has at least 1% of CBG. No research on CBG has been done in humans so far.

Cannabitriol (CBT)

CBT is one of the 140-plus cannabinoids that make up the cannabis plant. Although its therapeutic effect is postulated under the entourage effect (see entourage effect), more research is still needed to unveil its pharmacological potential.

Entourage Effect

The entourage effect is a scientific theory which states that the active components in cannabis interact together in synergy to produce specific effects on human health that would not be achieved by the same compounds on their own.

Full Spectrum/HTFSE (high-terpene full spectrum extract)

Full spectrum or high-terpene full spectrum extract is a type of cannabis extract that contains the full, or nearly the full spectrum of cannabinoids, terpenes, and flavonoids that exist in the strain of cannabis from which it was made.

Heirloom

The term heirloom refers to a cannabis plant’s characteristic of maintaining a certain genetic purity. Heirloom plants are bred in isolation from other strains of cannabis to avoid genetic cross-pollination that could result in a new strain of cannabis, which might lose some of the heirloom’s special characteristics.

Isolate

Cannabis isolate refers to a product that contains only a single cannabinoid, usually CBD or THC, in its purest form. It is devoid of other compounds found in the plant.

Live Resin

Live resin is a type of cannabis concentrate. Its particularity resides in the fact that it is produced immediately after the cannabis plants are harvested. This process helps retain some of the plant’s important components like terpenes and flavonoids, which can be lost or degraded during drying and curing.

Moon Rocks

A form of cannabis made by dipping a marijuana nug in hash oil or another concentrate and then covering it with kief (trichome dust). Described as “the caviar” of cannabis products, they are often made with flower from the Girl Scout Cookies strain.

THC (Delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol)

THC is one of the most prevalent cannabinoids in canna- bis. This chemical compound is responsible for producing the plant’s intoxicating, mind-altering effect. THC’s psychoactive effect has been one of the main reasons behind cannabis consumption throughout human history.